Struggles and Decisions

Originally, I planned to make a dear abby like post today instead I pushed myself to do something that SHOULD be more important to me and that is graduate school applications and just narrowing things down. I started really looking at applications yesterday with a friend and realized I really need to do this like ASAP.

But let’s be honest, after my GRE exam, I have been avoiding this like the plague. It’s not like I haven’t looked at schools. It’s not like I haven’t started. I have a whole bookmarks folder on my browser just of graduate school stuff. There are many problems that have gotten in my way though

  1. GRE Score and GPA: I don’t necessarily feel like my GRE score is up to par nor do I feel like my grades are either. This is a major fear of mine, getting rejected because my grades suck.
  2. Location: I have been struggling with the question of where I want to end up. Honestly, I just knew that I needed to leave Ontario. I wanted to head back west but where? I thought about California and at first I really wanted to go there but then I was worried about how practicums would work for me since I’m not a US citizen and then I started to worry about working in the states in general. So, I was stuck/confused with what I should do.
  3. Lack of Ambition: In my about page on this blog, I have already stated that I am not an ambitious person naturally. Therefore, it is taking a lot out of me to push myself to get to where I want to be, a major reason why I am blogging to help me focus on my goals.

Despite all my struggles, fears and indecisiveness, something changed my mind today. I was very indecisive about location, so much so, that I just could not narrow down my grad school options, which is a MAJOR factor when thinking about which schools to apply to. What changed today was this conversation I had with someone while volunteering that made me realize that my heart isn’t just in the west in general, it’s in Vancouver and honestly, so is the rest of my family’s heart. I grew up there, I didn’t want to leave there but here I am in Toronto. As much as I would love to start a fresh somewhere new, hence the wanting to go to California, it just seemed like it would be too much work and no guarantee. Not as if going to Vancouver would have any guarantees but at least it’s still home in my mind.

Today, I have made a few decisions. Now, the application process should be easier. Hopefully.

Wish me luck ❤

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