to: future me
I wonder what you will think when you look back. Will the changes I make today make a difference tomorrow? I often think whether I have done enough to get myself to where I want to be. I wonder if I will end up where I wanted to be. What else should I be doing or changing so that my future will be better? Future me, what would you say to present me?
A note about this post:
I often look back and see how things have affected and changed me but I never think to think ahead and look back to see what I can change now that will affect how I am in the future. When thinking about what I would say to the future me, this is what came up for me.
to: child me
Where did you go? Why did you leave me so quickly? I miss you. I miss your fearlessness. You aren’t afraid of anything but me, sometimes, I feel like I am afraid of everything. You walking in to a class where everyone spoke a language you didn’t really know, but nonetheless, you just started playing with everyone. How did you do that? I wish I could do the things you did, trying everything at least once without fear. Now I can barely try something new because I am so afraid. Afraid of what? I am not sure. Sometimes, afraid of failure, afraid of making a fool out of myself or maybe, I am really just afraid of being me. How did you do it? Just be you. You never really cared what others thought, did you? Oh, how I miss you. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. Come back, and save me from me.
Miss you lots,
to: present me
I know you are scared of failing but sometimes, I think you are trying to fail on purpose. You know you have to do certain things at certain times, yet you just lay there, on your bed, unwilling to do anything productive. Why can’t you just get yourself out of bed? You don’t even have to go anywhere to study anymore. You bought yourself a desk, a chair, just so that you can concentrate on studying but still, you lay there on the bed, devoid of any thoughts. You would think that your fear will kick you in the butt and get you motivated but instead, it scares you till you can’t do anything at all.
Is your fear of failure that much greater than your desire to succeed? Or are you just afraid to succeed?