to: pregnancy

to: pregnancy – my chemical pregnancy story

to: pregnancy

On January 25, 2015, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling lightheaded. When I woke up again later in the early morning like 4 or 5am, I was still feeling super lightheaded and sick. I had never felt like this before. It was a Sunday and I was supposed to go to work but my lightheadedness caused me to feel dizzy and eventually nauseous. I thought maybe I needed to eat something, so I tried eating something and drinking water. I thought maybe by the time I needed to go to work I would be fine so I took a shower and started getting ready for work but I was just still very unsteady on my feet that my boyfriend at the time (fiancé now) told me to call into work sick. I did and we looked up which walk-in clinic was open and at what time.

It was such a horrible day for me to have felt this way as my boyfriend’s (fiancé) car was at the auto shop getting repaired. So we had to  call for a taxi and left for the walk-in clinic early since not many are open on Sunday’s and we expected a line and we were correct to expect that. I didn’t end up getting to go see a doctor until about past noon. Can’t recall the exact time but while I waited in the mall by the clinic, I got some tea and my significant other went to borrow his mom’s car so that he could drop me off at home and make it to work on time. At least that was the plan.

He got back to the mall in time and we went back to the clinic to wait. When the doctor called me in, the first thing they thought was that I was pregnant. I didn’t think I was pregnant but they made me go pee in a cup. They got the results and my significant other took a sneak peek at their notes saw that it said positive. However, before the doctor told us he double-checked with the receptionist and I remember hearing the receptionist not being sure if it was positive. Anyways, none of that really mattered. The doctor ordered some prenatal labs and also for me to do the gestational diabetes test. The doctor made us think we were pregnant.

I didn’t think I was pregnant, and both myself and my significant other kind of freaked out at the news. We were in shock, what were we going to do? My significant other decided to call in to work sick as well that day to take the day to process everything.

That week, we went and got my labs done and expected a call from the doctor a couple weeks later. When no call occurred, I remembered seeing something about ehealth and getting your results online. I ended up signing up for it because I didn’t want to waste my time waiting at the walk-in. By the time, I got my results online, we had already started getting excited over the prospect of having a baby together.

When we read my results and found out I wasn’t pregnant, we were devastated. A couple days later I got my period. I was worried I miscarried but I asked a friend of mine who I know has had a miscarriage what it was like. After hearing her experiences, I was pretty sure I didn’t miscarry but what about that day and that extreme lightheadedness.

We later read in “What to expect when you are expecting” about chemical pregnancies. My significant other also looked it up online and figured that is what I had.

I felt like I was dying that day but what was worse was finding out I wasn’t pregnant after all. It was probably the scariest and worst experience I have ever had. So much harder because we had told our closest family that we were pregnant to make it real to us, only to find out that we weren’t. We got so excited for nothing. It hurt my significant other the hardest. I always had an inkling it wasn’t true but he got excited and then I did too. It was really difficult for us and we fought about it too. I made him talk about it with me, but it was like losing a child you never even had. The hope of a child was killed.

I believe that I experienced the chemical pregnancy that day that I felt lightheaded because I am very sensitive to changes in my body. The egg and sperm trying to connect and make something but just didn’t quite match. The hormones and changes in my body probably made me lightheaded. The possibility of matching made a positive pregnancy test result. I don’t wish this upon anyone. Actually feeling this happen, I’m not sure how many people do but it was a scary day for me. Another reason why I believe I was actually experiencing it happen that particular day is that when I did actually get pregnant, I had no real symptoms except tiredness and tender boobs.

One of the things I felt like I needed to write about was my experience with a chemical pregnancy especially after I actually got knocked up. I don’t think there is a lot of out there from a personal experience except maybe on forums, which is why I felt the need to share.

My chemical pregnancy occurred about a month or so before I actually got pregnant. My fiancé and I were/are not trying to get pregnant.

For anybody who has lost a child or the hope of a child, I feel for you. It was devastating for us and we weren’t prepared to have a child nor did we want one. At the end of the day, my only suggestion is to talk to each other. It doesn’t just affect one person, it affects both and being able to talk about it, is what helped us cope together as a couple and not as two separate people losing something.

❤ Sarah

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